up and down

Had a good first proper day at school today. Seem to have nice classes and they all seem keen to work and learn - hope this carries on. Hope I can sustain their interest and live up to the expectations everyone has for me. Everyone is saying that I will do a great job and this is just right for me. I appreciate the support but at times it feels like there is this huge amount of pressure to be perfect. I don't know how much is coming from me and how much is coming form others. I really hope it all works out.
So that was the up and now for the down.
Had an argument with husband this morning about how to deal with our oldest son who keeps annoying his brother at meal times. I've been dealing with this now for about 3 weeks and told him this morning that if he carried on then he will not be allowed to eat with little brother. My husband said I was overreacting and should try other things. I then got cross with my husband because I have been trying other things for a few week sand they don't seem to work. I apologised to husband and we went off to work and all was ok.

But here I am going over the exchange in my mind and replaying it and dwelling on it. I'm tired. Yes, I've just had 2 months with no school, a long summer holiday but I don't feel as if I have had a break. I haven't had the time to relax and recharge my batteries. I feel that I have spent my summer alone, which mostly I have. I can't raise this with my husband. It's not his fault and it's not what any of us wanted.
Maybe things will get easier now we are back in a routine and things have calmed down. I would love some time with my family. I would like to deal with what I went through this summer. I would like some closure. I would like to stop feeling guilty for not being there fro my husband even if he wanted me here with the kids.

Time helps things. I need to give us all time. I also need to remember that I had a really good day at work today. Maybe this year will be a good year.