perspective

Still trying to see hoe our lives are being affected this year by my father in laws death and the trouble I'm having seems to be one of perspective.

On the one hand there are significant accommodations that need to be made and changes to our daily routine and what we will do over the course of the next year in all sorts of situations. This is big.
On the other hand it seems almost tangental to my life. I watch Aa (my husband) as he is adapting and finding out what he can't do and it seems to be running in parallel to my life. Our lives that should be closely bound seem to have separated to some extent. He is going through this alone and there is only so much I can do for him, only so much I can feel.

Since he came back from the shiva he has been caring and attentive and I'm seeing parts of him that I only rarely saw before. I like it. There is a visible level of affection that used to be kept private. Long may this continue. So in some was we have been closer since he came back but I am still trying to cross this gulf and I'm not sure I can. I think I have to wait for him to come back to me.
As the year goes on the restrictions ease but I'm sure that over the course of the year there will be many issues to deal with, many reminders of what is missing.

It's just strange that something can have such an impact on your life and at the same time seem to have hardly any. I was going to say that it impacts on our lives but not my life but that isn't accurate. I'm not sure what is right but it's strange.

Now my next challenge is when to raise the idea of Aa going to the doctor to have his health checked without it being me nagging him and then to be followed by the diet and exercise that we both need.