the next day

I'm not sure what normal is. I'm not sure what I should be doing or saying. Should I be avoiding the whole subject of death and shiva and my father in law or should I be bringing it up whenever possible? We went through a huge amount and it really was a life changing event but we went through it separately, we have no shared experience here. We lived separate lives for 2 weeks and I don't know how to reach what he went through or even if he wants to share it. Should I talk about what I did or how I felt whilst he was away or do I wait for him to bring it up.
I think I have to wait, I have to let it come when he wants. I have to be patient.
Part of this is the current expression of my guilt of not being there for the shiva. I still in part feel that I let him down or that I failed somehow. When he was away I could only imagine what was going on, now he's back I see that he is "ok" but I still have this question about what is going on inside him.
Maybe this is part of my just being a girl and believing that everyone has a churning mix of emotions flying around inside them all the time and rally there is nothing to discuss.
I said to a friend that when he got back I was sure my husband would have dealt with and locked away his emotions. Our friend questioned this. Maybe he was right or maybe I was.

I need to be patient and I need to work out what I can do and that will take time. It is as someone put it "uncharted territory" and we will have to figure out our own path through it.

At least next time when we have to go through this we will have some sort of pathway through it.