priorities

So I have a friend who is unsurprisingly pregnant. When she told me I did the happy public thing but obviously not what was going on inside. Spent the last couple of weeks going through various stages of hatred, frustration and ultimately resentment and part of me was a bit scared of how  I was going to react to her ever growing bump (read as how good can  I be about really keeping my feelings hidden and not saying  or doing anything that I know  I would regret later).

So I had a revelation this week whilst out shopping fro my nieces birthday present.  I was in toys r us and whilst my kids were studying the playmobile ("no we're not getting that, we are only getting the birthday present." "So mummy can we get this one because it's smaller") I wondered over and found myself looking at the baby stuff with all it's normal emotional turmoil things suddenly seemed to come in to perspective. I felt I was having these feeling because I was so used to them and wasn't sure if I was actually feeling them or just thinking them. Then came the revelation -  I can't keep hating / resenting this friend for being pregnant because my life is worth more than that and quite honestly I don't have the energy that it takes to keep  it going for too long. It's not her fault my body isn't working as it should and  I know that she has had her issues getting pregnant and  I am happy for her.

It comes back remembering the good things and also knowing that you have no idea what anyone else is going through or what they have had to deal with or what they know they may have to deal with in the future..... and  I will try to remember this when things are going badly. Promise I will.