Last night my sister called and told me she is pregnant (due end of Jan). I really am very happy for her but when she told me part of me just collapsed inside. I have been trying for 18 months, from just before when she had her last kid. 18 months of praying and hoping that this month will be the one. Months of drugs and test and more tests and more failure. Month after month on an incredibly regular schedule I get that bright red sign of failure. Of my body not doing what it should do, what everyone else seems to do so easily.
WHY CAN'T I GET PREGNANT???????????????
I know that I have 2 wonderful kids and I love them more than I could ever have imagined but I want more kids. I know I have things alot better than many other people but this isn't about other people - it's about me and my body and my life.
After she told me I was upset, then I felt guilty about being upset, then I felt even worse because I couldn't truly celebrate her good news. I just wonder if it will happen for me again?
I wish my sister all the best with number 3 and I hope I can deal with it without letting her know about the hell I'm going through.
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