So last week one of my friends was diagnosed with cancer. She is a mother of 3, her kids are all the same ages as my older 3. Our friendship has had periods when we were closer and times when we drifted apart but for the last 11 years we have been friends.
She is a strong woman, outspoken on any issue relating to women's health and really anything else she sees as an injustice of any sort. She is focused and determined and always looking for a new challenge. She is funny, clever, understanding, popular and passionate.
Just over two years ago she had an elective mastectomy to hopefully avoid getting breast cancer. It failed.
She is surrounded by supportive friends and family who are doing everything they can to support her and help her. There is a hashtag to add to the many many social media posts to support her, memes have been created and optimism is high all round. She is determined to fight and win this battle as she has for every other battle in her life.
I can't use the hashtag. I can't keep up this endless optimism, I'm scared. My mum's cancer was meant to be easy to fix, it was meant to follow a path and she should still be here. My mum was full of optimism right up to the end. I'm scared.
Cancer is a genetic mutation. It doesn't feel or chose or do anything apart from propagate itself. Cancer is a disease on a genetic level it does not love or hate. It just is and it could kill my friend.
My friend who smiles and cares. My friend who fights for those who can't fight for themselves. My friend who is a nurse who protects life and fights for it. My friend who tries to ease pain. My friend who I'm looking forward to planning my son's bar mitzvah with in 2 years time. My friend with a filthy mouth and a great sense of humour. My friend who doesn't care what others think, she will do it anyway.
I want to be wrong and I pray with all my heart that she gets better. I don't want to lose my friend to cancer. I want to have her around for many years to come.
But cancer.
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