Parting

My husband comes back tomorrow from a week abroad. He doesn't travel that much for work but I always find  I miss him so much when he is away especially tis week when I was ill (a whole new level of respect for single parents).
Anyway, back to this week. Tomorrow my kids are going to jump on their dad when he gets back and will get so excited. I will sit back and watch. I will say hello and ask about his trip, moan abit about him going to NY without me and carry on. It's not a lack of feeling that will give us such an outwardly cold reunion but a religious obligation. I am in a state of niddah and will be until Saturday night until I go to the mikvah.
The greeting will not be cold just restrained, verbal not physical. There is a time and place for that and tomorrow will be neither for us. All that is being asked of us is a huge amount of self control to overcome that most basic urge that we have, the urge for physical contact, for the security that holding someone gives.
Before I married I couldn't understand what the big fuss about niddah was or why people would do it other than because they have to. I wouldn't say I enjoy it now but I have come to see it in a more positive light and appreciate some of what it gives me. The space and time alone is nice - I love sharing a bed with a husband but it's nice sometimes to have my own space, my own bed.
People say a marriage develops over time and this has. It could be that I resent it less now I have kids or maybe it's one of those things you start to do because you have to but then want to do it. I can't imagine a marriage without it now. I'm sure that on so many levels that I'm not even aware of it is good for me and good for my marriage. The parting and the returning, the welcoming each other back it to each others lives in the most intimate way possible. The control and the final release, getting to know each other again. Holding out for what seems like an unbelievably long time until we finally get back together. It always seems like forever be it a regular 13 day separation or the 6ish weeks after I have given birth. The last few days are always the hardest.
This month it will be just that bit harder because he was away this month. But that just makes the returning that bit more special.
And hopefully this will be the last month of it for a the next 9 months. Please.